How To Break Free from People-Pleasing and Start Living for You

Stop telling me what to do! I’m not a child any more.

My client had slipped back in time – a time where her mother micro-managed every moment of her day. From getting up in the morning to the time she went to bed.

She felt there wasn’t a moment that wasn’t determined by someone else.

As an adult, she had trouble making decisions, dithering over the smallest things, deferring to everyone else’s opinion. She couldn’t even decide what flavour ice cream to have, in case she chose the “wrong one”.

The day she first contacted me, she was in tears because she’d found out her husband had had an affair and she was angry.

“I’ve bent over backwards to make his life easy, looked after the kids, done all the home stuff, made sure everything went smoothly. I’m over it!” she declared.

As we talked, she revealed that she was too busy to look after herself. “I’ve really let myself go” she said.

At work she had been overlooked for yet another promotion and was resentful that nobody paid attention to her suggestions but then claimed them as their own.

A few months later she called me again. “I’m ready” she said. “It’s time to change my life”.

There was a list of things she wanted to achieve – to eat better, to exercise, to dress nicely, to be more assertive, to do things for herself, to have clarity about what she really wanted, to name a few.

Catching up with her recently, was like talking to a completely different person!

My client was dressed smartly, in stylish clothes. She’d lost weight and was looking amazing. She was smiling and her skin glowed. More than that, there was a lightness and energy to her that hadn’t been there before.

She told me that she’d started a new job, with better money. She was having fun with her kids, and they were helping around the house. She's started a new hobby. She's seeing a counsellor with her husband, and is hopeful that they'll have a better marriage than they ever did before.

Her life has really changed - and so has she!

That's why I love what I do.